The King's Birthday

Well, it’s been a while since I posted anything, there’s been lots going on. I’ve had lots of issues with work, so a couple of weeks ago I made the decision to resign and head back to the UK. I’ll be leaving Swaziland on 20 May and heading to Australia for Con’s Dad’s 70^th birthday, and will be getting back to London on 8 June. All a bit disappointing, but it’s certainly been a learning experience (as they say!).

The photos are from the King’s birthday celebration a couple of weekends ago. It was held in a parade ground, absolutely miles from anywhere, and consisted of some fairly dull speeches, soldiers marching around, and quite a bit of singing and dancing – ranging from traditional Swazi, bare breasts and all, to marionettes dancing to a particularly manic version of Life is a Rollercoaster by Ronan Keating. Something for everyone!

The photos are from the celebration. The men in traditional dress are actually members of Swaziland’s traditional parliament. The women in red, black and white are all married (so that’s what I’d be wearing if I was a Swazi). Although you don't see men wandering round with swords and spears, it's not that unusual to see people in traditional dress. It's a bit disconcerting when someone turns up at a meeting in it though - which has happened.

There were thousands of people there, surprising as the King does absolutely nothing for the people of Swaziland, but squanders everything on his wives and palaces. Apparently the last time two of the wives went to New York on a shopping trip they spent $6m, and yes, that’s US dollars. However, everything was made clear at 3pm when the crowd started leaving to queue for the free food they're promised if they attend. The canny ones actually didn’t even bother turning up till 3pm.

Swazi Time

Well, I’m now into my ninth week here so it’s probably time to reflect on what it’s like working in Swaziland.

The most striking thing is the concept which is variously referred to as African time or Swazi time. I know my past performance on punctuality wouldn’t win me any prizes (though I like to think I’ve got better over the last few years), but even I’m bewildered by the lack of awareness of time. I went to a conference last week which was supposed to be an 8.30 start. Over 60 people were invited, 24 of us had arrived by 9 o’clock. By 9.30, another 10 or so had drifted in, and the same again by 10.30. No apologies, no hint that there was anything amiss. That afternoon we got to a 2pm meeting at 3pm, only to find that the chairperson arrived 20 minutes after us.

But it’s not just the time-keeping. People get randomly invited to meetings with so little information that the meetings are anything between ineffective and useless.

However the upside of being randomly invited to meetings in such a small country is that I’m getting exposed to all sorts of stuff which I wouldn’t see if I was in a larger one. In the short time I’ve been here, I’ve been to government meetings on the economic empowerment of women, on whether they should introduce student loans, on preparing a UN report on progress against the Millennium Development Goals, and a meeting with the International Labour Organisation today on the rights of Swazis who work in South Africa. A lot of it is fairly depressing and frustrating, though it’s all good learning on how difficult it is to get things done.

Possibly the most depressing day was the one with the 8.30(!) conference I referred to above. It had been called by the Ministry of Economic Planning, ostensibly to engage/involve (depending on how technical you want to get) different groups in preparing the 2010 report on how Swaziland is performing on the UN’s Millennium Development Goals (MDGs). The cynics would say it’s to show they’ve engaged people, and as such it was a complete shambles.

The organisers wanted people to volunteer to work on each of the eight MDGs. When they got to Infant Mortality, there was only one person out of the 43 present who wanted to work on it. Maternal Mortality, only one person – the same one. HIV – you guessed it, the same person. This is a country where HIV has inflicted the most terrible burden. Since it hit Swaziland, infant mortality has increased – 12 out of 100 children die before their fifth birthday, maternal mortality has doubled, and 40% of pregnant women between 15 and 24 are HIV positive.

To add insult to injury, the organisers then decided to split people up arbitrarily into groups. I ended up working on HIV and I think it’s fair to say that we were all pretty clueless. To make it even worse, our group prepared our feedback on a PC which we couldn’t get working, and the facilitators decided we should just ‘leave’ HIV. That’s pretty scary for a country with the highest prevalence of HIV in the world. Thankfully some bright spark suggested this wasn’t such a bright idea. It was utterly depressing.

This wasn’t helped by the fact that the afternoon meeting was about a trade summit to be held in Swaziland in August. When we got on to the budget, the local organisers had to explain to some visiting organisers that it had increased because the King has agreed to be a keynote speaker. This means that they will need to fund a private kitchen (he won’t eat from anywhere else) and they will have to support his entourage of 100-200 people. To go from a conference talking about such terrible issues (the one I forgot to mention is that over 40% of the population don’t have enough to eat) to funding the King’s private kitchen is a little surreal. I think my face probably spoke volumes...

And then there’s my job, which isn’t going so well. Forget the lack of desk and chair – years as a consultant prepares you for that – it’s the fact that FESBC is really an organisation in name only. There's no money, and very little energy or drive from most of the Board members. Anyway, there’s lots happening on that front and a Plan B (in Swaziland, no intention of giving up so soon) so I’ll write something on it next (for anyone who’s read this far!).

My Brilliant Career

Oh dear, oh dear...

I was giving a presentation the other day and one of FESBC's advisors, a man called Obed Dlamini, came along but had to leave early. I sat with him for 20 minutes, one on one, to discuss this presentation with him. I'd been told he is a Special Advisor to the King, so you'd think I would have made a special effort to remember him.

Fast forward two days and someone attracts my attention in the local cafe. Not a clue who it was until he reminded me...you guessed it, Obed Dlamini. My only defence is that I've met LOTS of different people, and I am struggling with recognising everyone. Before you say anything about me being racist, the same applies the other way round, if you see what I mean. Plenty of people think that Gemma and I are sisters - because we're both white and look identical to each other.

Bad enough you think...

Except I was telling someone earlier about who attended the meeting and they said, "Oh, Obed Dlamini, the ex-Prime Minister". Oh dear lord, one and the same. It's not helped by the fact that there have only been two different Prime Ministers since Independence. This is up there with the time I was at Bath Spa Railway Station and I blurted out to the Right Honourable Anthony Wedgewood Benn "Hillary Benn's your son!!!???". But so much worse...

Our new neighbours

Well the good news is that we finally moved into our new house a couple of weeks ago. It’s in a place called Ezulwini, which is a valley between Mbabane (the capital, where I was living before) and Manzini (where I work). The photo with The Beast, aka my new car. It's pretty simple but we like it. Furniture's a bit of a challenge though. Skillshare are supposed to kit us out with the basics, and basic is the word for it. My favourite is the stained old mattress they gave me. They bought a new one for me when I complained but it was so cheap that you could see the sun through it when they took it off the van. So I've stuck with the stained one and I'm trying not to think about it too much. I won't bore you with the other complaints...

The house is joined to a backpackers’ hostel and at the moment there is a group of 22 builders from India staying there, apparently working on a project being run for the King’s Office. Why the King is employing workers from India and not Swazis is a subject of much speculation in the house. They’re pretty noisy but entertaining, or annoying, depending on how you view it. Slaughtering chickens Halal style in the garden certainly hasn't gone down well with my house mates (but then they have been able to hear the whole process). They turned the garden into a barber's shop last weekend, which was nicer than using it as an abattoir.

Our other neighbours are a group of vervet monkeys, who visit in the mornings and evening to eat mangoes off the tree in our garden. Certainly a bit different from sparrows and squirrels.

Con's been here for the last couple of weeks so we've been doing a lot of exploring. As well as eating our way round Swaziland (old habits die hard!), we also went away for a couple of nights, to Mkhaya Game Reserve. Mkhaya was set up to try to conserve the rhino population, and as you can see from the photos, we managed to see some rhinos - a little too up close and personal for our liking. We also saw giraffes, zebra, impala (and lots of other types of antelope), elephants, monkeys etc etc...but no lions (there aren't any). We'll be off to South Africa for that...

The accommodation was impossibly romantic, open to all sides, and really private. Highly recommended if anyone fancies a trip down. We also had some lovely visitors - the picture of the nyala and her baby was taken from our bedroom.

Well, I've probably made it sound like I'm on one long extended holiday so far, I'll make sure I tone it down next time (Mike Havard - that's for you).

"Cops seize goat meat at funeral"

That's my favourite headline in the paper so far. Apparently the goat meat had been stolen. Of course the mourners then tried to lynch the people who had sold them said stolen goat meat.

A good one this week was "Farmer sleeps in tree to scare away warthogs". I'll keep an eye out for the good ones. The South Wales Echo is positively Guardianesque compared to this.

Sadly though, most days the papers (there are two, with various degrees of government intervention) are full of stories about rapes, incest and various other sex crimes and violence. The rates of gender-based violence are so high...in the first two months of the year there were 121 reported rapes - in a tiny country. And this will just be the tip of the iceberg. It's difficult to know whether the papers are full of these stories just because of the high number of crimes, or because the Swazis love to read about it. Sad either way.

The other sad thing is that the spike in number of rapes is often attributed to the marula season. Marula is a local fruit, and one of its uses is to make alcohol - tastes a bit like the raw Calvados my brother Christopher once brought back from a farmer in Normandy - the kind of stuff that makes you go blind! People (men) then gather to drink it and every year during the season the rates of rape go up. But the King swears by its health-giving properties...

The next Julia Morley...?

Work is taking some time to come together and so Gemma and I decided to attend (gatecrash might be a better way of putting it) the International Women's Day conference run by the Swaziland Action Group Against Abuse (SWAGAA).

On the next table was the current heroine (or as she put it "shero", as opposed to "hero") of women's groups in Swaziland, the attorney Doo Aphane (below).

Doo just went to court to fight for the right of married women to own property jointly with their husbands, and won her case just two weeks ago. Until then, women had no rights at all regarding title deeds property - this refers to formal property ownership, mainly in urban areas.

You can read more about it at http://allafrica.com/stories/201003050891.html

The other "shero" is Justice Qinisile Mabuza who heard the case and is the first female judge in the Swaziland High Court.

In rural areas, all land is owned by the King. In exchange for cattle, the chief of each area is able to loan you land (if you're a man). However, this land can be taken back at any time - on your death, or before if the chief and local committee decide that you should not have it any more. (As an aside, cows are also used as a "gift" to families in exchange for a wife. Apparently the going rate is between 5 and 20 cows, depending on how rich the family is.)

Anyway, back to the conference... In some contrast to Doo on the next table, on our table was Miss Swaziland 2009/2010, and the head of the local organising committee, Miss Swaziland 1975, Vinah Mamba-Gray. Miss Swaziland is sponsored by Kentucky Fried Chicken, and alas it does say Finger Lickin' Good on her sash. Imagine our surprise when Vinah turned to Gemma and me and asked us if we would join her on the organising committee for the next Miss Swaziland. Never have I (or Gemma apparently) been soooooo lost for words.

Having said that, SWAGAA is trying to get behind Miss Swaziland to try to be more supportive of young women, possibly as Miss Swaziland 2008 committed suicide last year. There's also a feeling that Miss Swaziland could provide a useful channel to young women for communication on HIV and AIDS. So maybe it's not all bad, though Gemma and I politely (we think) declined her kind invitation.

Somewhat embarrassingly, a photo of Gemma and me featured in today's Times of Swaziland, appearing to listen attentively (impressive!) to one of the speakers. I'll be sure to put a copy on here when we've found a way of scanning it in (don't hold your breath!).

First Day in the Office

Well my first day in the office was a series of surprises... My job is Strategic Development Advisor at the Federation of the Swazi Business Community in Manzini - the commercial and industrial centre in Swaziland. Part of it is building the capacity of the organisation to represent its members - small and medium enterprises. The other part is working directly with members to build their own skills and businesses.

Surprise #1

Someone from FESBC was supposed to be picking me up between 8 and 8.30 and Gemma assured me they would be late... Imagine my surprise when man turned up at 7.50 in a rather splendid Mercedes... His name was Zwelly Zulu, he's a board member and has a penchant for chilled out house music from South African DJs. The rest of the day was surprising in different ways.

Surprise #2

The job description said I would be managing an accountant, an administrator and an office assistant. The accountant and the office assistant left two years ago, and the administrator, Zanele, has been running the place ever since. There's a receptionist (Khulile), and an accountancy graduate (Khosy) who joined three days' before and is working for nothing to get some experience - the job market in Swaziland is pretty grim.

(Left to right: Khulile, Zanele and Khosy).

Surprise #3

The office...a reception desk, two windowless rooms, one desk and chair between three of us, and a meeting room. The meeting room is four garden tables and chairs with what looks like wedding decorations. White and purple covers, and some articifial rose flower arrangements.

Surprise #4

The job description said there would be a pc with a printer - didn't realise that meant one pc and printer between me and Zanele and Khosy and Khulile. With a dial-up connection. And one phone line - for everything, and everybody. The picture is Khosy and Zanele at the one desk in front of the one PC and printer.

So...then I met some of the board members. Two blokes (as well as Zwelly) and three women. They included Mr Mabuza (Hezekiel - though I suspect he'll always be Mr Mabuza to me) , the second VP, who's my boss, who owns five different companies - including office furniture (yay, surely!), office machinery (yay!) and stationery (yay!). Thuli, the first VP, who has been given the job of mentoring me. I quizzed them on FESBC, they quizzed me - I think I acquitted myself ok, but was probably a bit full on!

Surprise #5

It's not clear how many members they have...somewhere between 80 and 1000 as far as I can tell(!). First step will be setting up a database. Help me Con!

Then Zanele and Khosy took me for a walk around Manzini to orientate me. Manzini is very HOT. In a Queensland type of a way. No sunscreen on so I just copied Zanele and put my umbrella up. Very Singaporean...

I guess the biggest concern is how I get all the information out to start putting plans together. People who've been here a while have warned me about how hard it is to get things done - everyone wants to be involved in everything but not necessarily in making a decision - evidence of that even on my first day. I just want to get stuck in and start planning...so much needed...sources of funding, working out what members get/want for their money, working out who the members are, etc etc. I am excited though it will be a huge rollercoaster in terms of ability to get things done. Some really nice people though...